Steamed hams except it's a shell script.

steamedhams.sh

#!/bin/bash

# Set up some variables to store the dialogue
ch1="Well, Seymour, I made it, despite your directions."
sk1="Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!"
ch2="Yeah."
sk2="Oh, ye Gods! My roast is ruined! But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [chuckles] Delightfully devilish, Seymour."
ch20="SEEEEEYMOOUUURRR!!!"
sk3="Superintendent! I was just...uh---just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?"
ch3="Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?"
sk4="Uh... ooh! That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm, steamed clams!"
act4="[Once Chalmers leaves the kitchen, Skinner breathes a sigh of relief, climbs out the window, and runs across the street to Krusty Burger, where buys hamburgers and french fries to replace his burnt roast. He enters the dining room with the fast food on a silver tray.]"
skm="Superintendent, I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers."
ch4="I thought we were having steamed clams."
sk5="Oh no, I said 'steamed hams'. That's what I call hamburgers."
ch5="You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?"
sk6="Yes! It's a regional dialect."
ch6="Uh-huh. Eh, what region?"
sk7="Uh...upstate New York."
ch7="Really? Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'."
sk8="Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression."
act3="[Chalmers takes a bite out of a burger and chews it a little, while Skinner sips his drink.]"
ch8="I see."
ch9="You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger."
sk9="Hohoho, no! Patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe!"
ch10="For steamed hams?"
sk10="Yes."
ch11="Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact they are obviously grilled."
sk11="Y- Uh.."
sk18="you know, the..."
sk19="One thing I should..."
sk20="excuse me for one second."
ch12="Of course."
act2="[Skinner enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire]"
sk12="[yawns] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped."
ch13="Yes, I should be--good lord, what is happening in there?!"
sk13="Aurora Borealis?"
ch14="Ah- Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!"
sk14="Yes."
ch15="...May I see it?"
sk15="...No."
act="[They exit the house as the kitchen fire grows larger.]"
ag1="Seymour! The house is on fire!"
sk16="No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights."
ch16="Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham."
act5="[As Chalmers begins heading home, Agnes screams for help, causing Chalmers to look back towards the house. Skinner gives him a thumbs up and a fake smile, causing him to keep walking away. Once Chalmers is out of sight, Skinner rushes back into the house to deal with the fire.]"
ag2="Help! HELP!!!"
Ft='WRRRRRRRERRRRRR'

# Print the dialogue
echo "$ch1"
sleep 2s && clear

echo "$sk1"
sleep 3s && clear

echo "$ch2"
sleep 1s && clear

echo "$sk2"
sleep 5s && clear

echo "$ch20"
sleep 5s && clear

echo "$sk3"
sleep 3s && clear

echo "$ch3"
sleep 5s && clear

echo "$sk4"
echo "$act4"
sleep 5s && clear


echo "$skm"
sleep 3s && clear

echo "$ch4"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$sk5"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ch5"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$sk6"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ch6"

sleep 2s && clear
echo "$sk7"

sleep 3s && clear
echo "$ch7"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$sk8"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ch8"
echo "$act3"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ch9"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$sk9"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ch10"

sleep 2s && clear
echo "$sk10"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ch11"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$sk11"

sleep 3s && clear
echo "$sk18"

sleep 3s && clear
echo "$sk19"

sleep 3s && clear
echo "$sk20"

sleep 2s && clear
echo "$ch12"

sleep 3s && clear
echo "$act2"
echo "$sk12"

sleep 3s && clear
echo "$ch13"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$sk13"

sleep 1s && clear
echo "$ch14"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$sk14"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ch15"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$sk15"

sleep 1s
echo "$act"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ag1"

sleep 2s && clear
echo "$sk16"

sleep 5s && clear
echo "$ch16"
echo "$act5"

sleep 8s && clear
echo "$ag2"

sleep 3s && clear
echo "$Ft"